Holy Ship!
by SuperSailorCharon
Summary: Seto Kaiba discovers fan fiction. Unfortunately, he discovers some of it can be quite disturbing. Rated T for suggestive themes.


**SuperSailorCharon: This is one of my funnier Kaiba Bros. oneshots, especially since most of the ones I am writing here are kind of dark and depressing. This one is dedicated to everyone who read and reviewed Family Photographs. Enjoy!**

Staring at this computer screen can't be good for my eyes. I figured with Mokuba gone for the day, I'd have more time to concentrate on debugging the duel disks I designed. After running yet another simulator duel with a program on my computer, I get out of my chair and go downstairs to make some more coffee. Normally, I'd have someone else get it for me, but after sitting on my butt most of the day, getting up and moving around feels nice.

My day started off pretty crappy. But yours might start off that way too if you were woken up at six in the morning by that bastard mutt Wheeler calling your house to ask if Mokuba can come out and play. I really should get Mokuba a cell phone. That way his obnoxious friends can call him all they want and leave me out of it. What Mokuba sees in Yugi, Wheeler, that kid who looks like he stuck his head in a pencil sharpener, and that annoying wench who gives friendship speeches, I'll never know.

I fill up my cup and the aroma of coffee fills the air. I add nothing in my coffee. I never have and probably never will. Walking back up the spiraling staircase, I remind myself that as much as I wish Yugi and his friends would fall off the face of the earth, at least Mokuba has any friends at all.

Maybe I'll admit it. There's one thing Mokuba has I always wish I had: his naivety. After all the trauma and loss we've been through, Mokuba never really lost the ability to trust others. When we were kids, Mokuba always told me he was jealous of the fact that I was a child prodigy. He envied how quickly I picked up chess. I never told Mokuba that the one thing I envy about him is his ability to fit in.

Being the CEO of a big company and the long hours that go with it can get lonely sometimes. It'd be nice to have a life outside of Duel Monsters and Kaiba Corp, but I'm not ready to let my guard down. For now, I'm content with not fitting in. Mokuba and I have each other. That's the best thing I can ask for.

I walk by Mokuba's room. His stereo is usually turned all the way up when he's home. Either that or he's playing a game on his computer. When he's not in his room, he's doing something weird like sliding around the kitchen floor in his socks. It's nice to have some peace and quiet, but at the same time, I just feel better knowing Mokuba's home.

Mokuba's computer is still on. I could have sworn I told him to turn it off before going to the arcade with Yugi, the mutt, and the rest of the morons. I'll just turn it off myself before I get back to work.

The screen reveals that Mokuba was on the internet, a fan fiction site to be exact. My name is in the search box. One of the results is entitled "Seto Kaiba's 31 Flavors: A Collection of Lemons".

Weird. What am I doing with a type of fruit? I set my coffee cup down and click on the link. The top of the page reads: "Chapter 1: Puppyshipping".

I read the small block of text on the page. The story says I'm in a relationship with Joey Wheeler. I raise my brows. Wait a second, what the hell are we doing as a couple? Why are we holding hands and going back to my place? I don't want to keep reading, but something is compelling me to. Kind of like when you eat a pint of ice cream and realize you should have stopped after a few spoonfuls, but you end up eating the whole carton and greatly regret it. And I wish I didn't have to live to regret reading what came next.

Wheeler and I go back to the mansion in this story. I scoff. In real life, I wouldn't let Wheeler even a hundred feet with in this place. In the story, we go up to my room. I tell Wheeler to put on a dog costume. That's the only part I even remotely find funny. I still don't understand why this is called "A Collection of Lemons" though. I haven't seen anything involving a sour yellow fruit in this story yet.

I read faster. The part that comes next is enough to make me puke in my mouth. Wheeler throws me on the bed and takes off my pants. I'll give you three guesses what happens after that and the first two don't count, but let's just say it's going to take me forever to get that image out of my head. I wish it were as simple as washing my eyes out with soap.

I clench my fists. I'm this close to throwing the computer screen out the window until I realize it's not mine. Who the hell would write this smut? It's not even true! Wheeler probably wrote it to ruin my reputation. I'm going to kick his ass. I swear I am going to sue whoever hosts this site. I look at the titles of some of the other chapters. There's one called Kaibashipping, Lotusshipping, Stubbornshipping, and Snarkshipping. I'm partly impressed there isn't a chapter called Shipshipping.

The last chapter is entitled Incestshipping. I don't need anyone to tell me what that is and I'm so disgusted at this point, I'm not even going to bother reading it. I will never, _ever_ be able to get these images out of my head. They're going to keep me up at night for years to come.

"Big brother, what are you doing in my room?"

I jump and turn around to see Mokuba standing in the doorway. My face is warm and I realize I better explain myself quickly. There's a look of confusion on his face. I didn't realize he got back from the arcade just now.

"Why are you reading this garbage?" I demand. "Wheeler and I are _not_ a couple! This is the worst piece of smut I've ever read!"

"Seto, what are you talking about?" Mokuba asks. He walks over to the computer screen and glances at it. He laughs hysterically when he realizes what I just got done reading.

"That's not funny!" I snap. "Wheeler and I are _not_ in a relationship and I am _not_ gay!"

"I feel so sorry for you," Mokuba says sympathetically between laughs. "I remember the first time I discovered Yaoi fan fiction. You should probably stay away from those."

"Then what are you doing reading them?" I demanded.

"I don't read Yaoi!" Mokuba told me. "I just read the fan fiction people make up about us! You know, like brotherly fluff and things like that and different people's theories about who our parents were. To me, there's nothing like a good big brother story."

I stand there quietly for a moment. Mokuba starts laughing at my expense again. I shake my head.

"You see? Fan fiction isn't _all_ smut," Mokuba tells me.

"Whatever," I mutter. "I'm still going to kick Wheeler's ass."


End file.
